As my last post excitedly announced, we completed our home study on April 9th! We were so excited to be finished and move on to the matching phase. I assumed once the home study was sent we would start viewing profiles right away. However, in reality it took about a month and a half. That might not seem like a long time in the grand scheme of things, but when you are dealing with infertility and trying to match up a school teacher calendar it definitely feels like forever!
Honestly, the last month or so has been hard for me emotionally/mentally. After finishing the home study, I went from “get-it done” hyperdrive mode to having nothing I could do. And nothing I could control. A complete halt. To say I lost hope would be inaccurate, I knew it would work out in God’s timing, my hope is in Him. But emotionally, I felt a little shut down. We also learned that my ideal timeline of a July transfer was no longer a possibility. When our home study was submitted, there were 30 families ahead of us to be processed. This meant getting through the matching process and starting medications all before July was not possible. In reality, it’s a good thing. It means more people are in the process of adoption and more babies will be born. Also rushing the matching process is NOT something we wanted to do. We want to make a prayerful, well thought decision. So I’ve just had to let go and try hard to keep my mind from circling down the negative hole of self doubt.
In the meantime, we hosted an adoption yard sale fundraiser. I was so hesitant to do this. Honestly, I do like asking for help (unless it’s from my mom!!). So it took some humility on my part, but we finally decided to go for it! We were blown away by the support of our friends and family. Many donated items to sell and others came to shop and some did both. My mom and my Grandma Janice even came down to help for the big event! We had a lot of fun and doubled the goal I had hoped for. I also had so many conversations about embryo adoption. We had signs up explaining our sale which led to many questions about what exactly embryo adoption is. Most people said something like, “Woah, that’s cool, I’ve never heard of that!” I also spoke with several encouraging adoptive and foster mommas. I even met one woman whose brother actually used the NEDC for an embryo adoption!! A HUGE thank you goes out to everyone who supported us!
After the wait, we are FINALLY here, to the matching part of this journey. Clayton and I were granted access to the donor portal. We have just begun our search, however we do have several profiles we are interested in. I know you might be curious about what the database is like, so I’ll try to explain it for you. We are able to see physical information such as hair color, eye color, height, weight etc. We can also see a full family medical history, as well as the donor’s educational background and careers. And finally, the amount of embryo’s being donated and if they have any children.
We are relieved and humbled to be able to view profiles. As we look through them, the reality of these tiny lives is becoming more real. And thinking of their biological families, while imagining the hardships that may have led them to IVF and then adoption is a weight that is not lost on us.
It’s also been really encouraging to see God working in our decision. Although we still need to pray over the profiles more, Clayton and I have been drawn to the same families. We feel like we are on the same page and that God will give us peace.
We will be choosing a primary and back up donor. Once we request them, they will have the choice to choose us back. Then, we will enter a negotiation period where we agree to the level of openness and form a contract.
We would definitely appreciate your continued prayers! We are thankful for a great support system and community of believers.